I was reading Psychology Today, one of my personal favorite magazines, and there was an article about the power of saying NO! This was the quote in BIG Bold letters from Judith Sills, PhD about the power of NO.
WIELDED WISELY, NO IS AN INSTRUMENT OF INTEGRITY AND A SHIELD AGAINST EXPLOITATION. IT OFTEN TAKES COURAGE TO SAY. IT IS HARD TO RECEIVE. BUT SETTING LIMITS SETS US FREE. – Judith Sills, PhD[/box]
If you have ever been a doormat, you might have trouble understanding the power of NO. But when you learn to say NO, it is not mean, pushy, or nasty. You can still be sweet and empowered and stop being a doormat.
Because if you say a tiny yes and your heart is screaming NO, then there is a disconnect with your words and your feelings.
When you learn to say NO will prove several things to you.
- You are mature
- You are empowered
- You are NOT a pushover
- You do things that please you
- You are authentic
- You are NOT a people pleaser, (you can be as long as it pleases you).
Of course there are times that we want to say Yes even when it’s inconvenient. If you best friend’s 19 year old Jeep Cherokee breaks down on the side of the road and she calls you for a ride, you say YES because you love her and care for her. So your YES matches up with your feelings. Learn how playing popcorn will help your communication.
On the flip side of the coin, if your date orders you a filet mignon at the 5 star restaurant he so graciously took you to, and says “It’s the best and I know you’ll love it,” and you eat it, (even if you have been a vegetarian for years and work in the no-kill shelter), then my guess is on the outside you said a meek people pleasing yes, even though your values and heart were screaming NO NO NO! That cow is sacred!
You are not living your truth.
For anyone to love you, you must first love yourself and trust your gut especially if it comes to eating meat on a date and you are actually a vegan. You want to stop being a doormat, right?
Saying NO when you want to say yes, will disconnect you from your authenticity and other people. It is a doormat-itis problem, and you can stop these behaviors.
When you are a doormat you are limiting yourself by not being authentic. No man wants to be with woman whose words don’t match up with her feelings. If something doesn’t feel good to you, it is so important to learn to say no because you need to be honest with yourself. You just need to practice to form the habits.
Start with something small. If someone asks you for help, and it really doesn’t fit into your schedule, you can politely decline, by saying, “That just doesn’t fit into my schedule right now.” That’s it. Enough Said.
Saying these word won’t hurt a bit. If people are used to you saying yes, it might be uncomfortable for you and for them, and they might get cranky because they are not getting the response they are used to. But they will get over it. Just stick to the way you feel, and let your feelings do the talking.
If you say YES when you really want to say NO Then you must read this book: How to Stop Being a Doormat and Get the Love You Want. It is filled with easy to implement tidbits and it even has downloadable mp3s to help you feel more empowered. So what are you waiting for?
This is your time. You can’t go around living your life to please everyone except yourself. This is your time to say NO when you want to. This is your time to shine. This is your time to change your self-defeating habits. This is your time to live the EPIC life you have always dreamed of.
When you are tired enough of saying yes when you want to say NO it is time for change, and nobody can make these changes but you. But there are tools you can use to help the process. Use your energy to help make your love life epic!