What do all successful people have in common? Disappointment. And the ones who live happy lives and have amazing relationships have learned how to overcome disappointment over and over again.
You lost a job promotion. You scratched your new car. Your favorite jacket magically disappeared. You’ve been stood up. Your boyfriend, (who didn’t call when he said he would), didn’t call… again. The man of your dreams dumped you for the second time. You were dumped. You can’t get past the first date. The worst of the worst is happening to YOU!
You begin to wonder, “Why was I even born?”. When these kinds of thoughts arise is when life feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to you.
However, with some simple shifts, you can feel better about your love life and life in general.
Disappointment in life is fuel. It is the powerhouse that makes you feel bad enough to help you create the life you DO want. Helen Keller wrote, “ We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
It’s time to embrace the non-joy because that IS part of the process. There are always going to be things that don’t work out for us. It’s not just you. It is every single person on the planet.
I’m going to share some simple techniques that can help you feel the bad feelings after disappointment so you can move on and feel real joy.
First, I want to go over some examples of people who have excelled in the face of disappointment. They turned their trials into mega success. And so can you.
Major disappointments turned to awesomeness:
- Walt Disney was fired due to having no imagination and no good ideas. Ummm.. He’s Walt Disney, look at what he has done.
- Michael Jordon was cut from his High School basketball crew. He was the NBA’s MVP not one time, not two times… but five times in his basketball career.
- Albert Einstein failed his college entrance exam, and also won the Nobel Peace Prize.
- Oprah Winfrey was fired as an anchor in Maryland to being too emotionally invested in her stories. Now she is worth 3 billion dollars.
I know this doesn’t seem to have much to do in the world of dating and being disappointed in your life, but it does.
Even the mega-successful, mega-rich have serious relationship disappointments, so we can all relate. Look at Taylor Swift! In Parade magazine she had a confession… “I think every girl’s dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore”.
This thinking can inspire disappointment after disappointment with men and what does Taylor Swift do after heartbreak, that you can do?
1. Get back up, dust your broken-hearted booty off and put yourself out there again.
I know many of you think dating sucks and you are tired of it, but think about the things you have wanted in your life and you attained. Did your amazing degree just fall in your lap? Nope.
You did something to get it. You studied; you stayed up late, and you got shit done.
Dating is the same way. I am all about getting yourself tuned in and using the law of attraction. But to find Mr. Right you need to put yourself out there even if you don’t feel like it.
Unless you happen to work at a golf course or a craft cocktail bar you won’t find yourself surrounded by eligible bachelors. So put yourself out there.
One, or many disappointments can not, will not, and must not rule your life, or you will end up not enjoying life, and it is a gift.
Go out to different coffee shops, gas stations, restaurants and start meeting more men. This “chore” is part of the process. Read books about relationships and treat your love life like you are getting your Ph.D. It will be worth it.
2. Realize YOU are in charge of your life, not your disappointments.
Sure, you’ve been disappointed over and over, but it is no reason to stop striving for what you want. Use the disappointments as rocket fuel to launch you to where you want to be. Like good old Les Brown has been known to say, ” Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.
I’d say that’s not a bad place to be, stars are twinkly, and we, and they are made of the same stuff, right?
YOU deserve what you desire!
Don’t let the past rule your present and your future. Focus on what you DO want.
What is important to you? What makes you happy? What makes your heart dance the tango? Figure this out. Watch funny
3. Live your passions starting today!
Don’t wait until you retire to do the things you love. Do them now. Do you want to go to Puerto Rico? Start saving $20 every week until you have enough to go next summer. And before you go, look at travel blogs, and GET EXCITED about YOUR life! Your future. It can be amazing if you allow it to be.
4. Be OK with being stuck in the mud
There is a Buddhist proverb that says, “ The lotus flower blooms most beautifully from the deepest and thickest mud.” So embrace the muckity muck and know that something good comes out of everything.
Even the deepest darkest despair can create the most amazing flowers.
5. Ignore your inner critic
I call this the “Ugly Little Monster,” and it talks nasty to you. You ARE good enough for good things and great love. If the voice gets too loud, turn up the radio and find something else to say that is nicer.
This ugly little monster in your head is made of thoughts, and you have the power to change those. Just practice doing it.
6. Practice makes better, not perfect.
You will never always talk to yourself like you are Tony Robbins. Practice talking to yourself nicely and counter every negative thought with something a little more positive.
Create a bridge. You probably won’t go from “My life sucks more than any other woman in the world to, “Wow! I can’t wait to get out of bed every day because I feel so incredible!” My life is better than
The sky doesn’t go from darkness to day in an instant. The sun gradually creeps up into the night so we can see better.
Do the same with your thoughts. Fade in the better feelings. Tell yourself that your life may not be exactly what you want it to be like right now, but you are OK, and things will get better if you focus on the good stuff.
7. Don’t beat up yourself- beat up your monster.
The little monster has been residing in your mind for a while, and is so obnoxious! Feel free to be mean to this little guy. You don’t have to tell him to be a good little monster.
Tell the monster off. Beat it up in your mind. Make yourself your OWN hero.
With practice and compassion for yourself, you will be able to talk nicely to yourself. Let the past be the past and get on with your today, starting today.
Take a deep breath. Then take another one. Tell yourself you are exactly ok where you are right here right now.
Lots of Love,