I went out with a man a while ago and the chemistry just wasn’t there. He was sweet, but in my book, you’ve got to have chemistry, and we just didn’t have it.
You’ve gotta know what you are looking for so he can find you.
I promote having a partner list, a boyfriend list or a husband list. Whatever that looks like to you. It doesn’t have to be 20 pages long or too complicated.
I had a list in the past that had 40 things on it, and in the journey of life of looking for Mr. Right some of those guys made the cut of 95% or more of that list, and it was a big one. I’ve narrowed it down just a bit.
Over the years my list has changed and evolved and yours might too.
Because we are always growing and changing. But there are some things that you need to hold dear to your heart if you are looking for a life partner, that is…
…if they’re really important to you. If you need someone to be handsome, then there is the guy out there that will be handsome to you. If you want someone who is fit, you yourself need to be fit. You not only want to have a list, you have to live your list.
A couple of years later that same sweet-no-chemistry-guy sent me a message wanting to go out again, and I told him didn’t think we were a good fit. He asked me what my good fit was and I sent him a quick list that I was feeling right then. Here it is…
Here’s a sample list of things you can want in a partner…
- Has done lots of homework on women
- Is really fit
- Is really good at flirting with me
- Is an amazing kisser
- I have off-scale chemistry with
- Has a similar communication and humor as I do
- Turns me on with his words
- I feel like I’ve come home when I see him
I don’t think this is too much to ask. Chemistry, comfort, and communication.
He asked me, so I told him. A lot of people don’t want to hear the truth, and sometimes it hurts. But it’s much better than being fake. I also gave him a link to one of my favorite dating coaches for men. He responded in an angry way, and said my life is too complicated without a real job and that I’m looking for some kind of fantasy and a bunch of other things that were attacking me personally. Yikes. That didn’t feel too good. Learn how to talk to men that you DO want to date.
But when people say mean things, it’s usually out of fear, and it has nothing to do with you, unless you are the one saying the mean things, then it has everything to do with you.
So be authentic.
And don’t be offended when people say mean things, because it will probably happen.
Everyone has been hurt and scared, and that’s when we say the meanest things. Learn something from your Dating Fails here.
I could have retaliated and said something nasty back, but I chose to take the high road and see the world from his eyes. See pain in his words instead of being mad at him. Because his words had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.
So if you’re looking for Mr. Right, hold your head high and don’t take things that people say personally. Give them a big energetic hug because they probably need it, dust yourself off, then give yourself one and get back out there again, and don’t forget your lip-gloss. Found a keeper? Keep him interested with dirty little secrets.