I’m always talking about dating, sex, love and relationships with all kinds of people that I meet from all walks of life, and I pay attention to what they say. If you want to know how to talk to a man— It’s really not that hard when you have the right tools.
A man I know, who I kind-of met online, and kind-of met in a coffee shop, have become great friends and you can guess what our favorite topics is… relationships.
We’re always discussing the way women and men work together, why we disconnect, what bugs us, what we like, and what can make our dating, love and relationship lives Epic. The best free dating advice I can give to you any day, is to have communication, communication and even better communication. I want for everyone to have Epic Communication
Being a good communicator does not mean talking constantly. It is so much more than that.
My Epic Dating buddy sent me a message on Facebook the other day, and it really got me thinking. He said he’s been chatting with a new woman who is smart, educated and attractive. But he saw one big red flag. She talks so much and he can barely get a word in.
He wanted to clarify the difference between talking and chatting.
He said “talking is high quality communication in which both people flow back and forth between speaking and listening. Chatting is nonstop speaking with little attention paid to whether the listener is actually engaged, and actively ignoring disinterested body language.”
Do you want to be the annoying, unaware, chatty Cathy? Do like it when someone talks “at” you and not with you?
My friend asked if women consider it rude behavior. My vote it a big YES. He also said he finds it very unattractive and has observed this behavior in MANY women. I hope you are not one of these women, but when you get into your head, you are not paying attention.
So when you are meeting someone new what are you doing?
If you feel nervous and want to fill the space up with your voice, you need to practice the art of being present. Buddhists call this mindfulness.
Being mindful will help you in every area of your life and especially with every relationship. I’ve developed a simple tool using the art of cookies to give you a visual you can use when you are in an actual conversation.
Dina Z Colada’s Cookie Jar Method for great communication that comes from my Epic Dating, Love & Relationship Kit coming soon.
You can practice this Cookie Jar Widget by yourself to become more mindful first.
1. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine sitting across from someone you are interested in. It can be someone you’ve never met or someone you already know and like.
2. Now imagine what the scene would be like inside your mind. What would you do? What would you say? How would you sit? What are you wearing? Where are you looking? Are you wanting to talk? Are you wanting to fill the space with your thoughts and your words, so you can feel like you are in control of something?
3. Now imagine your words visually. Imagine everything you want to say in actual letters and words coming out of your mouth. Kind of like on Sesame Street or another children’s show.There can be big letters, small letters, and jumbled nonsense letters. These are just words, and you can do something with them. You will have to because they are filling up the entire room and there is barely space to breathe.
4. Slow yourself down. Breath slowly and deeply.
5. Imagine a cookie jar in your mind’s eye. It can be big or small. Any color or shape that you choose. Whatever cookie jar you imagine is perfect for you.
6. Now visualize all the words being put away. The words that came from your mouth that are filling the room, are now going into the cookie jar. It can be fast or slow, whatever works for you is perfect.
7. Now put the lid on the cookie jar. Putting the lid on, doesn’t mean you can never say these words. The words are in the cookie jar and you can take the lid off of the jar anytime you choose. You don’t have to eat all the cookies at once or say everything at once. You can dish them out slowly when you want to give someone a treat.
If you talk too much and don’t listen enough, it’s like eating a whole jar of cookies.
You feel too filled up and icky from so many sugar. Words are exactly the same way. You don’t have to say everything at once. Allow a little mystery. Keep some space in between each cookie you share with someone. And build up the anticipation of having another cookie another day.
If you don’t talk just enough, it leaves the person wanting more of your yummy cookies.
Less is more when it comes to talking too much and cookies.
So keep reading my blog and being part of the Epic Relationship Tribe so together we will have Epic dating, Epic love and Epic Relationships, and Epic Sex.