You want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you because you want to be loved, right? Don’t you just love the feeling of falling in love with someone? You can’t stop thinking about him for some reason. Maybe it’s because of lots of reasons. He just does it for you. The way he smells, his raw open soul, his playfulness, his gentleness, his roughness and the deepness of his voice. When you talk to him, you feel understood like you have never felt before.

When you meet a new guy, who you think is absolutely delish, in the beginning he makes you feel like a great pair of jeans — you just feel comfortable. He’s calling you in the morning and wishing you a good day. You also get mid-day texts like: “I can’t stop thinking about you,” and “I can’t wait to see you and hold you in my arms again like I did last night.”

Then something happens. You start to question yourself. You remember the last boyfriend you had and how he became so cruel with the way he talked to you. He left you high and dry and you cried so much your tear ducts felt like they couldn’t make another drop. You were heartbroken. You were left all alone to pick up the pieces. You start to ask yourself some questions: How could he do this to me? How could he have left me when things were going so great? I thought we were going to be together for a long time. What the hell happened? Am I not good enough? Is he too good for me? Is something wrong with me?

You start with the play by play of every bad conversation. It’s like you have a photographic memory and every detail is burned into your brain. You remember exactly what was said in that last fight you had. You know what he was wearing, what you were wearing and what you had for appetizers, dinner and dessert. You remember the way you felt like it was yesterday. It burns your insides and your eyes start to burn again.

When you invited him to your best friend’s wedding, he replied with a snarky “that’s not gonna happen,” and your mind starts reeling. Then you imagine the new guy you met, who makes you feel adored and you imagine him morphing into the way your ex used to be. He becomes exactly like your ex. You can put his face on your ex boyfriend’s body and hear him saying the same hurtful things.

You can imagine the new guy, the man who sends you “sweet dreams” texts every night before you are off to sleep, and then you wonder if all men are alike. They are all jerks. But all men are not the same, but your thoughts from the past are creeping in and making you think that they are. The only thing that is the same is your old thought patterns. They are the same things you thought a long time ago, and they are still affecting you today.

The thoughts make you feel like they are real right now because your body remembers how it felt then. The way you feel makes your brain believe that this is what it will be like in this new relationship. These thoughts are not real and can go away with a little know-how and a little practice.

Old thought patterns keep you stuck in the past. Thoughts of being unworthy give you feelings of hopelessness, shame, guilt and fear. These feelings make you behave in ways that are not kind to yourself or your new potential partner. These thoughts you keep thinking, push away love. These thoughts haunt you more than the ghost you thought you saw when you were a little girl in your grandma’s basement.

But with these simple steps, you can learn to change the way you think which in turn creates new thoughts that will keep you and your budding relationship going in the right direction.

Change Your Thinking:

1. Recognize the old thoughts you are thinking: Write down your old limiting beliefs. These are thoughts that don’t serve you now. Get out your pen, write them down and sit with them for a minute. You may have a list of thoughts like these. Before reading them you may not have even realized these are the things you think. But if you are like a lot of women who come to me for help, these are the thoughts that are holding you back in love.

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I don’t deserve something that feels so good.
  • This seems too easy.
  • Something must be wrong with him to like someone like me.
  • All men want is sex.
  • All men are alike.
  • I would rather be alone than get my heart broken again.
  • I’m not pretty enough to keep a good guy around.
  • I’ll break his heart first, before he breaks mine.

We can’t always believe what we tell ourselves. Being vulnerable is scary and our past conditioning keeps us living in the holding pattern of fear that we are used to.

Thoughts like these are coming from your lower self and not your higher self where you true desires reside. Your soul is crying out for something more than what your old patterns and mind have been telling you.

You are living in the past, and not the present. So this is what you can do about it.

2. Take the list and ask yourself one question. Where do you want to be 12 months from now?

3. Write down what you want your love life to be like exactly one year from now. Picture a perfect day with the partner of your dreams. Dig deep into the back of your mind and get details please. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get started:

  • What will you eat for breakfast?
  • Will you meditate on love before breakfast?
  • Where will you wake up?
  • Will you have a day at the spa together for a couples massage?
  • Will you be walking the dog or collecting shells on the beach?
  • Climbing a mountain together?
  • Where will you eat dinner together?
  • Will he tell you that you are the most beautiful women he has ever seen?
  • Will he pick you wildflowers and tie them up with a piece of twine?
  • Will you be making love before bed and go to sleep with your bodies intertwined?
  • What are the things your partner will do for you that make you feel loved?
  • What are the things your partner will do with you that make you feel the most loved?

After you write out what it is you truly desire, tap into the feelings of what it will be like when you are together. With this list and your feelings, you can create a life that you love.

Focus on the feelings of love, gratitude, appreciation, forgiveness, joy, and breathe into your heart. Your heart will whisper in your ear and tell you, “You my beautiful women are deserving of love. Please never forget that. You have a very important purpose while you are here on Earth. You are here to laugh, be joyful and fill every cell of your body with love. Falling in love with yourself first is the only way to get a man fall in love with you.”

Originally published with permission from YourTango